"Having zero contact is not a good thing if you’re trying to make your relationship work."Īgree on how often you're going to talk, via which method of communication, and stick to it. "Otherwise you’re pushing each other away," she says. If the true aim of taking a break is to work things out and ultimately stay together, Simone recommends staying in contact over the course of the separation. This is why you need to be on the same page, to make sure you're both getting what you need." Stay in contact Then there’s the 'avoidant' partner who’s usually more cut off and distant in times of conflict. "You always find in a couple there’s one partner that has a more anxious attachment style who needs more physical contact and to know things are OK. ![]() "Both partners have to have their needs met in this, and the rules need to be clear," she says. Rochelle Brock / Refinery29 for Getty Images It could give you the physical and emotional space you need to reflect and re-evaluate. Explain you just want to start seeing your friends a little bit more, or go and do some activities independently, or see your family more."Īnd if you're living together? Simone suggests questioning whether one of you moving out or going to stay with friends or family might be the answer. "Do it with love and make that person feel assured that you love them. "You should be very clear that it’s not because you don’t love the person, but that you need this space to work on yourself," Simone says. Telling your partner you want a breakĭon't just go in there all Ross and Rachel style and have a screaming row. To get through it, they have to untangle all the negative patterns and understand where they’re coming from." And a break - done right - should do just that. "If the couple doesn’t get that, they start arguing again because they haven’t had time to heal. "Usually, getting that space gives them time to reflect separately helps," she explains. ![]() So when should you take a break from your relationship? How can you make sure it is actually useful rather than destructive? And what rules should you have in place? I spoke to Simone Bose, a relationship therapist and counsellor at Relate. Despite this rather negative portrayal of break taking, it turns out having a temporary separation from a relationship that's become all about arguing and being dicks to each other could be a really good idea. Which led to a whole load of bullshit and issues we were forced to watch them unpick for seven long seasons. Now, this probably would have been fine if they'd set clear boundaries and rules as to what their "break" entailed. Why? Well Ross and Rachel decided to take an undefined break from their relationship and Ross immediately boned someone else. As much as I am loathed to reference the already wildly over-referenced "WE WERE ON A BREAK" Friends episode, it's a damn good example of when taking a break in a relationship didn't really work out.
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